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Hello :]
First date.
Sunday. 3.18.18 9:59 am
I met this guy on match.com. He is from Fresno, about a 3hr drive from me. Anyways, at first I thought he was pretty cool, but didn’t really care for him. He seemed a bit boring, lol, and too sweet too soon?

But as time has gone on, I think he’s definitely my type. He’s supportive, he’s funny, and what really makes me happy, is that he’s a nurse just like me. We haven’t met yet in person, but our first date is on Tuesday.

He’s driving all the way from Fresno to see me. I’m worth 3 hours of driving? I told my friends I was going to ask him to just meet me half way. But 100% of my friends told me to take up his offer of him driving here. “Let him court you” “make him work for it” “he really likes you if he’s willing to drive to see you! Let him do it he offered!” And because of this, well I guess he has to drive 3 hrs to see me lol.

The best part about dating is the dreaming you do. The excitement of meeting someone new, wondering what it will be like in the future, even if there might not be a future. I do miss dating because of this lol. I don’t know exactly what I want, but this guy seems pretty darn close.

Stable job, a house, a nice ass Audi car, pretty cute, super fit/exercises everyday, sweet, kind, funny, and just as corny, if not cornier, than me. But, I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. When we meet, we’ll find out if there’s actual fireworks. We gotta figure that out first.

A lot of people don’t know that my ex cheated on me. And I’m sure many wonder why I am moving on so quick. I think in my heart, I fell out of love many months ago with my ex. And also, the fact that he was basically dating/flirting with girls while he was with me made me feel like I had a right to get out there faster. Also, I’m lame and needy so it makes sense why I already went I easily to dating apps lol.

So, I’ll let you guys know how my date goes. I feel like I’m in high school again. The blushing is too real guys, too too real lol.

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To be cheated on.
Sunday. 3.4.18 9:09 am
Hey guys, it’s daneva. And for the last 5 years, I was in a relationship with someone I loved.

I am newly single now though, because I found out he was cheating on me for 3 months. It was never actually physical. He went on a gamer chatting website/app and flirted with about 50+ girls. Now, many people are seething reading this. The instant thought it “oh man he’s scum, I can’t believe someone would do that! How disgusting!”

Believe me, that is part of how I still feel right now. But what I really feel is this out in my stomach that I can’t fill. I can’t believe the person I loved for 5 years, the person I trusted with every part of me, could do this to me. He told me though, that it had nothing to do with me, and that I was not inadequate by any means. He told me it was because of his own inadequacy and unhappiness, that he turned to all these people online for validation.

Still, even with his explanation, and my understanding of who he is, I can’t get over this. He wants me back, and I know he loves me unconditionally...but I can’t love unconditionally.

I miss him. I miss being able to tell him about my day. I miss the validation he would give me when I was angry or upset about something. I miss how supportive he was in all aspects of my life. But I don’t want to be with him anymore. I can’t get over this. I forgive him as my nest friend, but I can’t forgive him as a boyfriend.

Recently I started talking to this guy. He seems nice, but also very, VERY different from my ex. I can’t help but judge him negatively because he doesn’t respond the same way as my ex would. But isn’t that rude of me to do? Maybe I’m reading him wrong because he doesn’t validate my opinions as much as I’m used to? Or am I just settling? I don’t understand dating or trying to know people anymore lol. I just know it’s too soon to jump into another relationship, and it’s way too soon to know what I want. I want to date and figure out what I want.

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