Adda Mabalina

Sometimes I get into these moods about my weightloss journey, where I feel like I am on top of the world, and I am going to eat better, and make good choices! And then the next minute I see a brownie and I instantly stuff it in my face. This has been an issue these past couple of months (ahem, since August).

Well, I don't want to do that anymore. And I know it's because I lack self control, but I also think it's because I don't have defined goals for myself. And some of these goals/reasons I want to lose weight may be petty to you guys, but they are my goals and my motivation to lose weight xD.

1.) To feel in control of my life again.
I feel like I lack control with what I put in my body because I instantly let everything into my mouth as long as it's sweet or looks appetizing. But I need to feel in control again like I felt before when I lost all the weight initially. I did an amazing job at exercising and eating well then, I want to get back to that. It's harder now, because I am constantly surrounded by good food my mom makes. However, that's why it's a good goal to keep for myself. It will keep me focused on the root of the issue, and that is controlling my impulse choices.

2.) To beat the old me in pounds.
I used to be 140lbs, and at one point (not sure if it was the scale or not), but I was downt o 135lbs three summers ago. I want to be just as thin, or even thinner than I used to be. I wonder how I would look. I have been looking at my old pictures, and I can't help but notice that I absolutely looked thinner back then. I want to get back to that. I am right now at 156lbs, my heaviest since losing all the weight in 2012. I want to be better than that.

3.) To finally prove to myself that I am capable.
I think subconsciously I think I'll always be defined as fat, not matter what size my jeans are, or how much I weigh. I don't want to keep thinking that about myself. I am capable of losing weight, and I am not going to be fat at a certain size. I want to be fit and healthy, and love myself again. I am completely capable of loving myself.

I will continue to love myself as I am on this journey. There is room for mistakes, but not as many as I have been making these days. I hope to make smarter choices. This honestly isn't totally about losing weight anymore. It's about feeling in control, and not being so sad all the time when I make the decision to stuff my face with things that shouldn't be digested in copious amounts.

So now that my goals/reasons for losing weight are more defined, I think I'll be a bit more successful these next couple of months!