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Adda Mabalina
About Me


dannixfresh
Age. 32
Gender. Female
Ethnicity. Filipino
Location , CA
School. Other
» More info.
Struggles of an Asian American
Sunday. 10.19.14 4:00 pm
So if you guys didn't know, I am Filipino. Both my parents are first generation Asian Americans. Meaning, they grew up in the Philippines, and moved here in their thirties. Now, my parents are very traditional. This entails a lot of rules and regulations that Americans do not share with those that they have in the Philippines.

But that is where the struggle begins. I grew up in America my whole life, where we are constantly told that we should follow our dreams, live a life we want to live, be, do and continue anything and everything that makes us happy. I've grown up with this mentality that being free is what makes me happy. But the filipino tradition is different, especially on a woman. We are supposed to stay home, clean every little piece of furniture and keep everything in place. We have to have dinner ready on the table for our husbands or else they won't love us anymore. We can't stay out passed two am, and we can't sleep over at friend's houses because "god knows what you are actually doing there" (quote from my mother, actually).

With these rules and regulations my parents have set upon me, I feel suffocated. I am twenty three years old, and although that is young, I am considered an adult in American culture. I am not an adult in my parent's eyes. My parents don't accept my decisions, and I don't think they respect my actions. I am professional and yes I work my ass off being a nurse. I love my job. But I also have friends, am in my twenties, and drink occasionally. I sleep over at my friend's houses sometimes so I don't have to drive (and also because....I'm getting my license next week. Yes, I don't know how to drive yet, but that's another story lol). I like to have fun and go clubbing. I want to go on trips with friends and not be seen as if I am this demon child.

Now, I can get why my parents don't trust me, because I have made my share of mistakes. I am constantly learning from them though. Still, my parents don't trust me. They also tell me there is gossip about me. Quite frankly, I knew there would be ever since I came back from college. As you all know, I have been involved in a church that is predominantly filipino my whole life. I have changed significantly and I think many people can tell. But I am still an amazing person despite what these people say. I wish my parents would see that I am still a good person. Maybe not the standards of a Filipino woman, but to the standards that I have for myself.

So am I this horrible person who everyone thinks I am due to the standards of an Asian culture? Or am I Daneva, who is still continually trying to find herself with the freedom she has been exposed to, making mistakes but becoming a better person as time goes on because of it? I would like to believe the latter, but it's a constant struggle to stand up for myself when the voices around me constantly tells me that I am doing everything wrong.

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2 Comments.


Man, that's tough. Maybe you need to move a bit further away from your parents so that you can have some room to breathe. Then you can continue being a great daughter and proving to them that you have everything that is important--- a good work ethic, kindness, honesty, good citizenship, not being a drug dealer, but you wouldn't have to deal with their criticism on a daily basis, and they wouldn't know about/be able to criticize all of the small, not-as-important choices that you make.
» Zanzibar on 2014-10-25 11:58:36

I agree with Zanzibar ... perhaps moving a little farther away will help your parents understand that you can, in fact, stand on your own two feet and support yourself as an adult should.

re: thank you! I got a job in a call center for a medical facility. I'll be making appointments and dealing with referrals and such. =)
» LostSoul13 on 2014-12-15 07:42:20

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